Despair
by Venrosonitas
Summary: After the betrayal of his friends, Hope struggles to find a purpose in life. There was only one thing he could do, there was only one thing he knew how to do, fight. What if that same thing sent him back to the very people who betrayed him? Secrets would be unveiled, unforeseen emotions would be expressed, with him at the center of it all.


**Prologue: Beginning of Despair**

The weather inside was cold, yet his heart was colder. The rain that tattered on the outside of his window could not compare to the amount of tears that he had cried. The dark eerie night couldn't compare to the darkness he has seen, the darkness which tortured his very soul. His body of the living, yet his soul had absconded, abandoning his body, as did everyone. Yet, he still remembered her eyes, her soft hair, which smelled of strawberries and roses. How could he remember her when she was the first one to abandon him? Only his heart knew the answer, but he could not ask his heart; his heart left him, only leaving a lingering sentiment. How could they be so cruel, after he had deemed them friends? It seemed as if they hadn't even met, and before they left his crippled body to die, they didn't even spare him once last glance. He remembered that night, when the freezing drops of water slowly began to kill him, and with the despair that came, he survived. He had managed to crawl into a fissure in the wall, surviving the night which would have surely killed him. That night was long, and he remembered the excruciating pain of his injuries, too deep to be a flesh wound. That night he should have died, but something happened, but he believed it was his adamant will that allowed him to live.

When Cocoon fell, he experienced the whole event from Pulse, and in his own twisted mind, he hoped for the death of his former companions. In what seemed a short instance of blinding brightness, it seemed that his L'Cie mark became silver, and had since remained stagnant from that day. When the surviving ships landed on Pulse, he walked towards their landing site, only to encounter his dad. Bartholomew, he was the only person he could trust now, but he will soon leave the comfort of his father. He couldn't live like this anymore, in an eternal torture. He was going to do the only thing he knew how to do, fight. Fighting was the only thing that had eased the pain after the betrayal of his so-called friends, as he was able to relieve himself of all the stress and despondency his emotional scars had left him.

So with one thing in mind, he began writing. He knew what he wanted to say to him, to Bartholomew, and he would remain terse. Once he finished his brief memo, he folded the paper, writing the words, "_To: Dad"_. He gathered the few things he would take, ruefully. He packed everything into a moderate-sized messenger bag. He would only bring a few potions, antidotes, clothing, and finally, his boomerang. With all of his essentials gathered, he left, making his way towards the newly established PSICOM base. Ironically, he had fought the very order which he now aspired to join. The PSICOM base was established close to the site of the pillar, which was a good 12 hour walk from the town of New Palumpolum. Using Cocoon as his compass, he made his way out of his home and began walking toward a new life.

His father, he would suffer for his departure, but he would live, such as he had. Although, he was regretting his decision of an improper farewell, he could not turn back now. His father would have to live with the one word he left in that letter, _"Sorry"_. That was all he wrote in the letter, and although it was brief, he meant it. He would miss his father dearly, his one and only friend. Looking onto the refulgent luminescence of Cocoon, he walked in the night for hours, and when the sun lifted from its slumber once again, and he felt the warmth caress his skin, he knew he had reached his destination, New Eden.

New Eden had been the fastest growing city of the time, and it closely resembled many of the former cities in Cocoon. After the fall, many people scavenged for surviving technologies and knowledge, in order to recuperate some of the advancements society had made in the years. Although this city was not as nice as Eden, it was however the nicest city on Pulse. He observed many of the familiar things that were once present on Cocoon, and he couldn't help but remember them again. They had given him so much hope and strength, only to take it away from him! He began to feel a new, strange sensation building up in his fist, only to notice that a dark aura was being emanating from them. Shocked, he shook the dark thoughts from his head, and the strange power disappeared. Where had this power come from?

Too busy in his thoughts, he hadn't noticed he walked into someone until he heard a thump, which startled him. He had walked in on his childhood friend, Elida Karmic. He was too astonished to even utter a word, so instead his mouth remained agape. This reaction was mirrored by Elida, until she realized she had dropped her papers. She promptly picked them up, and once Hope's initial reaction had passed, he helped her.

"Hope, thank you."Elida uttered, a faint blush making its way to her pale cheeks. She stood at the modest height of 5'2, slightly shorter than him at the time. Her hair was a dark, smooth black, and her eyes a brilliant cerulean. He looked into her eyes, but quickly turned his eyes, to him, she was nothing but a stranger now, as he only had one friend, his father.

"Elida… I don't have a name, that name is dead to me now. I am nothing but a shadow, so please don't make this harder on yourself." Hope said, averting his gaze, as he walked passed her. However, with the corner of his eyes, he could still make out her disappointed visage.

"Before you leave, I wanted to tell you that I believed in you the whole time." He froze as she began to speak. "Throughout the Purge, I knew you weren't the enemy, you couldn't do that to us. You were brave, and I want to thank you. I've heard many stories of your role in our survival, and it's truly intriguing."

"Elida, I'm not that man. I'm not as important as people make me out to be." Hope stated, remembering his dereliction. How could he have been a part of their salvation if he didn't even participate in the final battle against destiny? He was nothing but a liability, and even after he learned how to fend for himself, they still left him.

"Yes you are, at least to me! Hope, you were my best friend, and…I love you." Elida confessed with a light voice. For a brief moment, He remembered the times she would sing for him, but he lacked emotion.

"Elida, I'm sorry, but I can't love anymore." Hope stuttered, unsure of how to reply, as well as lost for words.

"I know." She whispered, and he could feel her smile from behind him. He stood there frozen until he heard the last of her footsteps cease.

He was no longer Hope, but a lifeless embodiment of his former self. Never would that man return to him. Deep in thought, he continued walking the congested streets of New Eden until he came across the PSICOM base at the far end of town. It was then that was when he realized the extravagance of the facility, the building was monumental. It could easily be an eighth of Cocoon's crystal pillar, and that was pretty high. He promptly crossed the street, making his way towards the large enlistment line. He observed a few the possible recruits, many of them were taller and more muscular than him, but he had a few advantages. Although he did not possess the assets of many of the other possible recruits, he was a L'Cie, so his strength was far superior, not to mention that he possessed a lithe body, and excelled in magic. He was not intimidated by any of the men and women at all. After all, he had experienced Gran Pulse face-to-face, having to live in its wilderness and fend off its various ferocious beasts.

Once he reached the front of the line, the soldier which was taking the names and registering the possible recruits scrutinized him, "Aren't you a little too young to be joining PSICOM." The soldier stated mockingly. "How old are you?" The soldier chuckled, and with the soldier's laughter came the laughter of the possible recruits waiting in the line.

"Your ignorance is quite amusing," Hope feigned a laugh. "But I can assure you that I am the best of all the possible recruits. So please don't test my patience." Hope's eyes pierced the soldier's eyes, but the soldier continued to chuckle.

"Kid, I'm sorry but we aren't allowed to recruit children. Now please leave, you are holding up the line." The solider said, while he reposed himself from his previous laughter.

"Fine with me. You may not want to put me on that list, but regardless of you approval, I am going in." Hope insisted, as he walked pass the soldier and made his way towards the door of the facility. The soldier responded by grabbing his arm, but he simply grabbed the soldier's hand and flipped him over. When he looked back, he could see the confounded faces of the spectators, but he continued to walk.

When he stepped inside the building, another soldier came to stop him, but he just walked pass him, ignoring all his pleas. When he came across a Y-shaped hallway, he took for the left, which was where the possible recruits were being tested inside the training room. Standing guard of the training room were yet another two soldiers, which were eyeing him.

"Halt, you are not allowed to proceed without the identification card given to you at the registry." The first soldier stated, extending his hand for the identification card. He simply looked at the soldier's hand for a while, as he did not have any sort of identification.

"In all honesty, I don't have the identification, but I am qualified to work in PSICOM, despite my age and what you may think." Hope replied in a monotonous voice, expressing no emotion.

"For our amusement, we will allow you to pass." The soldiers laughed. "This mere boy, thinking he is strong enough to join PSICOM! What a joke." They exclaimed with tearful eyes as they made way for him to pass.

"When you are following my orders, you'll see who'll be laughing then." Hope stated bluntly while the soldiers continued laughing, this time with greater fervor. He casually walked passed the soldiers, ignoring their uncouth and unprofessional behavior. These soldiers were a joke, and he couldn't comprehend how two incompetent fools as they had made it into the ranks of PSICOM.

Within the training room there were various exercises which were used to assess your capability in PSICOM, and the progression of humanity on Pulse. Hope walked towards the first assessment, which was a quick gunblade spar with a PSICOM official. Slowly, he saw one after one as each person failed to subjugate the official, which hadn't even been trying to begin with. That was all he saw, inability, and it truly disgusted him. After all he had gone through, he had learned many things, and from the best. Although he would not like to admit it, it was all because of her. He learned many things from her, how to scavenge for food, survive in the wilderness, fend for yourself, and eventually he learned how to protect others. Maybe after watching and learning from her, his expectations were exceeding the norm, after all, he had learned from the best.

"Son, what's your name?" asked a soldier which was examining all the possible recruits and assessing them. Then he thought, his name, it was Hope Estheim, but he didn't feel like him anymore, not since that fateful day. All that hope, it was replaced by nothing but despair. So, if he didn't have a name, what could he say?

"My name is… Despair Farron."

* * *

**Well, I really wanted to use Hope's name as little as possible, as this chapter is all about his transition into Despair. I only used it when I deemed it absolutely necessary, like in dialogue, where it might get confusing using just a pronoun, especially when two male or two female characters are interacting.**

**Well, anyways, I hope you liked this story.**

**Follow, Fave, Review if you wish. **

**See you next time. **

-_Venrosonitas_


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